Please, we need your help. 16 years of marriage hangs on your intercession.* Carey seems to think my last post was highly offensive, and not just because I talked about cadavers. Actually, he didn’t even mention cadavers. Are you even paying attention, Carey Stephen Head?**
This is the part he took exception to:
“Carey, however, was trying to look inconspicuous and pretending not to know us. I’m not sure why. “
He says he was NOT in fact pretending not to know us. For which he puts forth the following evidence:
1. It was his idea to go to Rivergate for the live music in the first place (true).
2. He bought the book Monty was reading (true).
3. He bought the safety pins that were holding up Everett’s pants so he could dance (true).
4. He took most of the pictures and video of us dancing (true).
5. He kept his eye on Everett, who was meandering from group to group and eventually settled on playing ball with another family (probably true. Evidence: Everett did not go home with anyone else last night. I am not sure this is a point in Carey’s favor).
6. He was enjoying himself and being a part of our family, even though he doesn’t like dancing and especially in a public place but that doesn’t mean he didn’t enjoy watching us dance (could be true but he can’t prove it).
Probably it wasn’t at all fair of me to make him sound like a spoilsport or not participating in the fun just because he doesn’t like to dance. On the other hand:
1. I said he was “looking inconspicuous and pretending not to know us” BEFORE he made any of the above arguments. And I said it IN WRITING.
2. I was very tired last night AND I DANCED ANYWAY.
3. I am highly skilled in the use of capital letters. Capital letters make everything truer. TRUE STORY.***
4. Carey did not show up in ANY of the photos or videos. Highly suspicious.
5. Carey threatened me in the very comments of my own blog with a digitalized equivalent of a giant metal chicken.
6. I have more Facebook friends than he does. I think. I haven’t actually checked. Will someone go look please and let me know? Thanks.
7. He didn’t even notice that I talked about cadavers in the same entry. Clearly, he doesn’t even read my stuff except when he can complain about it.
So. Can you help us? I need you to convince Carey that he’s wrong and I’m right, so we can move forward here. Thanks.
P.S. There is a P.S. to this but I think it belongs below the other footnotes, so I’m going to put it there.****
*Not really but it sounds more dramatic this way, plus allows me to link to earlier material, which increases readership. It’s a fundamental rule of media: Readership over truth. Deal with it.
**Exhibit A: He wasn’t paying attention.
***Not really but a lot of people think so and who am I to argue?
****This is the P.S.: P.S. Carey is actually absolutely correct and was a great deal of fun last night. I only said the thing about him trying to look inconspicuous because it seemed like an amusing thing to say at the time and my sense of humor, however un-funny it may be to anyone else, often trumps my common sense and sense of fairness. Also, Carey and I aren’t actually arguing at all.*****
*****Actually, we are arguing, but only because we think it’s funny. It’s how we say “I love you.”******
******My next entry won’t have so many asterisks. I recognize that it’s gotten a little out of hand. I apologize.*******
*******Please don’t tell Carey he was right. I would prefer to win this argument. Thank you.